story of phong 12
ON December 21st , 2012… I set out to create 12 monthly issues each with 21 writings and 21 works of photography/art. In this commitment that concludes today, it all seemed paramount and endless at the beginning but yet now seems so trivial. That first day was supposed to be the new age. And indeed it was. A paradigm shift in my spirit occurred… the rebalancing of self love… the severing of the old ties that suffocated me in torture. And on this last day, I again reflect upon the unexpected and I embrace all that I am and all I will become.
It has been scary.
It has been challenging.
No the fear was not of this silly project that a only few hundred or thousands accessed… My fear became less of sharing my soul, but more of seeing my soul. And each time I dared to look into my own eyes, I recognized less and less of who I thought I was…
Nothing became tidy and organized in my mind. Illusions started to fall away to reveal a much more simple, much more beautiful, but yet much more raw truth. This year and the years that have passed lump into this illusion of time. In momentary awareness of forever moment, everything I can sense ages and wrinkles around me. But my soul dances to become younger and younger in path towards the Infinite.
Nothing makes sense. It hasn’t for a while. This is both freeing and trapping. I pain between the two.
I live with such a flow that I disdain my fear of becoming a zombie. But how can I be if I live with such light and love? Or am I really already dead?
I feel dead.
I feel alive.
I feel suffocated, but yet feel free.
I feel so close, but yet so far away.
The warmth of my soul simply balances the frigidity of my shadow.
Hot. Cold. High. Low.
Push. Pull. Believe in doubt.
The nature of duality blends in this cocktail of existence. There is just One.
I am just one among many who live in the One. But yet I can feel so all alone among my likeminded friends. As my eyes continue to open, I see I am never alone. My spirit knows it. My spirits remind it. I am only as disconnected as I pretend to be.
I cannot promise to anyone including myself where I will be, or what I will do.
I suppose I will push on to discover the core of my root… the seed of my soul, the genesis of being.
In the facing of fear… the unveiling of my soul, the expression of awareness will flow as this past year has gusted by.
I am truly in love.
And I don’t really understand what Love means… I just know how to live it.
So I whisper to me.
I love you.