5 Monk Thoughts After a Relapse

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The game of sobriety is not an easy one to win. In fact, this is a lifetime journey that constantly tests and challenges us. Our greatest fears, insecurities, and underlying issues drive us to become dependent on toxins that ultimately do not serve us. We resort to alcohol or drugs to numb ourselves from feeling our emotions, to escape from reality.

Sure there are some of us who have a drink or two. Others can tread being abusive. But dependency comes with another level of self detriment. Those with dependency problems can no longer afford “one more” drink or ‘last” high. But they know that these usually lead down a path of despair.

Relapse is prevalent among many who are trying to quit drinking or getting high. The cause of these relapse are numerous. However commonalities include unresolved issues, biological deficiencies and chemical imbalance. It is in everyone’s best interest to remain sober if you have had dependency issues. But it happens.

A choice was made. Now another choice must be made. Does one relapse turn into many in a long spiral of destruction?

Here are some very important things to remember after you or someone close to you has relapsed.

1. Think Clearly

After a relapse, your first goal is to get back into a clear state of mind. Only in a clear state of mind can you make sound and strong decisions that will affect your life. We cannot make educated and well-thought and felt decisions when our body chemistry is out-of-whacked.

Making decisions is difficult enough task. Clouded by toxins will only increase the likelihood of self harm.

If someone you know has relapsed, help them get physically clean. This will allow the brain and body to respond at a normal functioning rate.  Once in this state, rational decisions can be made.

Clear your body.

2. Forgive yourself

We make mistakes. It will not be the first time or the last time. Some of us make one mistake and learn from it. Others need to make the same mistake for us to finally learn. What do you need to do to prevent this same mistake?

You have already made the choice. So forgive yourself. Let go of self judgment and attachment so that you can move on to make a better and different choice. The relapse is or will be in your past. This does not mean you avoid ownership and responsibility for the relapse. You must do so. But yet you can also forgive yourself for making this mistake, so that you can evolve and learn from it.

Perhaps your loved one has made this mistake over and over again. The energy you carry will have drastic affects on their recovery. The quicker you anger and chastise, the quicker the relapse may deepen. It is important to be honest, but it is best to create an environment to promote growth. In this process, patience will be a huge tasks and asset. Forgive them for acting out in ways they do not fully understand.

Let go of your attachments of guilt and shame. Free your energy and weight.

Clear your mind.

3. The Choice: Funk or Monk

 

You have made the choice to relapse. That was in the past. You can either focus on what has already happened. You can even fret of the repercussions of the future. But either may not serve you. The first choice to make is that of the present moment. What will you do now at this very moment in time? Your decision to make is:

Do you continue down this path of toxin use?

Or

Do you get back to work and learn from this mistake?

If you choose to continue getting high, know that you will choose to live in another dark cycle of abuse. These cycles are unpredictable and can have grievous consequences. These binges can last months and years. Our health will deteriorate before our grayed eyes.  But we all go through these cycles. Some of us are lucky to learn this lesson more quickly than others.

But we can learn from these cycles. We can understand what our underlying issues are that are driving us to act in these ways. We can be more aware and more educated to handle these situations as opportunities not obstacles. We can truly learn about ourselves in these moments, so allow yourself to explore your spirit and psyche.

This choice is a personal one to make. We cannot make this choice for anyone else. Remember that. Yes it may be in our child’s best interest to remain sober. We may want it. But if the child doesn’t, we have limited options. The great scenario is creating an environment where the child feels comfortable enough speaking truthfully and can see how getting treatment is a great opportunity.

 

4. What are my tools?

After making the choice to “get back to work,” look at the different tools at your disposal. What did you learn from your previous treatment? Review your notes. Pick up that spiritual or self help book.

Retreat to a safe haven or cabin on the woods. Pick up and strum the guitar by the waterfront.

Go to sessions with a trusted counselor or therapist. Allow yourself to work through the situation so that you can learn to master it. Understand why you acted in the ways you have. Then you can make stronger choices. Do things to make you smile and create personal happiness and peace.

What things will keep you safe? Is it your favorite necklace that reminded you of love? Is it the sound of the ocean? Or singing your favorite album?

Talk to your loved one. What can you do to help in this process? What would make this as comfortable and as easy as it can be, while still holding firm to discipline and focus? There are many tools that you can create or find to assist them. Do not force this upon them. Protect them, but yet give enough freedom for them to understand it all.

5. Help! Social Connections & Education

By asking for help, we are not implying weakness but the humility to understand that others can assist us when we are in need. That takes great strength. Reach out. Some of us are blessed family and friends. But often, it is an amazing feeling of connection when you are in a room with dozens of strangers who understand you better than anyone else. Know you are not alone.

There will be appropriate times to be in solitude. But do not isolate. In connection and love, the journey of sobriety is much easier. Find healthy relationships that serve your ultimate goal of happiness and peace.  Support groups are amazing at creating such community. We provide many online forums on MonkMe. As any group, the group is only as strong as its members.

Continue to educate yourself. Go to rehab. Learn from them. Go to therapy and process this new information. Read blogs and articles of others who are in the same predicament. Find answers to why you relapsed, so you can understand how to be free of such dependencies.

Don’t shove all the education in the face of the relapsed. Help them be ready for it. Help them understand and want to take control of their own life. Provide opportunity, and continue to fight this. The best you can do is provide opportunity and discipline. In time you will hopefully find a way to reach them.

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