5 Monk Tips to Curing the Dating Jitters
*photo by phong/written by phong
The unknown always brings us to a deeper level of fear. This lack of certainty pushes us into self evaluation. Most of us immediately self doubt as we catalogue ourselves in preparation of the unknown.
Are we prepared or even good enough to handle the situations we are about to experience?
So it is natural to feel a bit anxious when dating. Both male and female suffer from this feeling when on a first date, let alone a blind date. Will the other person see my flaws or my beauty? What if I am too ugly? How much would it hurt if I am rejected again? Is this the One? Will I find love?
We ponder these maladaptive questions that lead to anxiety. Rejection is hard to take and understand, so we choose the right clothes, the right restaurant, and even the right persona. All of the sudden, everything is magnified. Every action and mannerism means something. We try to read into every detail to find out if we are worth of such attraction and love.
The pressure of being perfect takes a toll making us more paralyzed that we already were. We worry about trivial matters that bring more chaos.
So to master the art of peace during dates try these following Monk Tips. Perhaps they can relieve some stress and pressure of something that should be exciting and fun.
Breathing seems to be the answer to everything spiritually related. Breathing helps us gather our energy and thoughts. It helps us keep our emotions in check and connect with our soul. In a stressful panicked state, breathing calms our nerves. You will be able to slow your accelerated heart rate with long slow deep breathes.
If done with a smile and with timing, this step can be quite natural during the conversation. Listen to your date while your body is achieving stability through deep long breaths.
Of you are in a crowded restaurant or stuffy room, excuse yourself to get outside for some fresh air. Be honest and share with your date your reasons if appropriate.
2. Speak Truth:
If you are stressing, its probably obvious to your date as well. You may be red and sweating profusely. Your hands can’t seem to stay still. Or maybe you body is tense and frozen. It will serve you to just be honest with your date. Tell them you are nervous. You will be surprised that by admitting it out loud, the level of anxiety seems to dip.
Those that are worth it will care about you. If you are nervous, they will try to comfort you. They will support you and make efforts to help you connect.
3. Love Yourself:
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You will make mistakes and say silly things. Your embarrassing mannerisms may appear. You may snort when you laugh or accidentally fart. No matter how hard you plan, things may never go smoothly. Unexpected things will happen.
Love yourself enough to flow with it. If this date is meant to be, it will be. If this person is the One and only then this person will laugh with you about this years from now.
Even if the date goes wrong, be gentle to yourself. Don’t crucify yourself with hate and loathing. Just remember some things are not meant to be. Learn and flow on to what is meant to be.
Don’t dwell on having to be perfect and setting the perfect parameters for a perfect date. There is no need to take on that anxiety. By loving yourself, you know you are perfect the way you are. Enjoy the ride of learning and loving. When meant to be, your new love will ride with you.
4. Raise the Positive Mojo:
When fears and doubts surface, remind yourself how amazing you are. Embrace what makes you special and powerful. Look into your own spirit to see your own beauty. Take some caution to not inflate yourself with ego and false pride. Be confident.
Remind yourself to relax and enjoy the moment. Know that if this person is not meant to be, then you are one step closer to where you need to go.
Smile knowing that no experience or date will define who you are. Who you are and what you must do in life remains constant. You are a loving being. It starts with you, ends with you. You just now welcome other love if the time is right.
5. Have Fun:
Remember your attitude shapes your perception to your environment and circumstance. So instead of focusing on what is wrong, focus on what is right. Have a good time. Let go and enjoy yourself.
Dates can be exciting. You get to meet new people, try new foods, maybe even see that movie you wanted to see. Though romance may not be possible, perhaps you have a brand new friend.
Fairy tales are waiting to happen. It all starts with a first kiss. Believe it can happen.
Smile knowing that this ride could have no end, but may simply be the beginning of something more magical.
Play. Sing and laugh together.
Never let go of the childlike nature of connection and fun. There is room in romance for innocent, fun love as well. Find this in yourself and foster it with others.
Then perhaps you won’t have to suffer while you date. You can actually love it.