We have been conditioned to react to everything outside of us. These external influences domineer and control our lives and minds, but only because we allow them to. As a result, many of us have tried to base our happiness on external means, but are not taught to be self reflective upon our internal processes. But as you may have figured out if we base our happiness on external factors, our happiness will be as fleeting as the things that come and go.

However if we start to base our happiness from within our own self, no one can ever take that away from us.  My belief is that if we are more cognizant of our inner dialogues and patterns, we can then understand ourselves thus enabling us a chance to change our lives. Here we have a chance to be truly happy and at peace.

The above diagram visually simplifies the complex behavioral patterns that many of us fall into. If you are able to understand the essence of this dynamic, you will be able to see where you constantly become your own worst enemy.

A. Old Story

Our stories can define us. The stories we tell, the words we say, and the way we live create the reality that surrounds us.

What is your old story? What do you do over and over again? We often live in circular patterns of destruction. Have you hurt one person after another? Have you hurt the same loved one again and again? Do you hide in isolation? Do you drink or live in avoidance while getting high and stoned? Do you live in fear?

We all do. Some of the lucky few are free from the earthly realities and are free from all fears. Most of us are not so fortunate. There are many behaviors that fear seed. This understanding of fear can be found here… “We Shall Fear Not”

The ironic thing is that our old story keeps us surviving. It’s our defense mechanism. When we respond to our fears, we run to our old stories. We know it is going to end. And regardless of how detrimental it is to us, we result to the same behavior because we know how it is going to end. With a bit of suffering, we will be safe and simply survive. That’s why we live in our old stories, to barely survive.

Do not look back upon your old story and judge your mistakes. We often make the same errors until we master them and move on. Take these old stories and look at them as lessons and opportunities to grow. Help them serve you.

B. New Story

Because we usually don’t know how new stories end, we are reluctant in making new choices. Despite our suffering and self inflicted pain, we often choose our old habits and ways of thought that have served us in the past. We know how the old stories end. We can deal with whatever detriments that befalls us. New stories can be scary.

But our new stories give us a chance to thrive. We have an opportunity to find bliss, peace and joy. We have a chance to be free from misery and pain. New stories give us opportunities to live a fulfilled life of purpose and meaning.  How can you help others? How can you be free from self hate? How can you find love?

Anything is possible for your new story. What do you really want? Why? If you deem it impossible, it shall be so. Explore your inner world and create your own future. Fill your head with beautiful images of the life you want. Feel your emotions roll through your body.

C. The Reaction

Most of us obviously want to try the new stories. We would love to be free from our fears and insecurities. We both consciously and subconsciously know these patterns are not in our best interest, but yet we allow ourselves to fall victim to it again and again.

Most of the time, we are unaware of these maladaptive patterns. Though it may seem obvious to others, we are often blind to our follies. These reactions stem from our underlying issues. These issues have haunted us from the moment in entered our psyche and have remained to spook us through life.

From loss to abuse and drugs to abandonment, these types of issues need to be processed and dealt with. If we avoid what irks us the most, we will continue to run from what we must face. Trained professionals or loving friends hold wealth of knowledge and insight. It may serve you well to seek their guidance.

Our minds are often cluttered with inner voices and criticism.  These voices often feed into our fears and insecurities. Our demons grow until we can no longer manage them. In these situations we react.

Symbolized by the X, our reactions are subconscious by nature. We are triggered and then we act. We don’t give much calm clear thought, we just shoot.

We kick the dog. We criticize our wives. We curse loudly at the driver. We drink. We cut. We isolate. We run from success. We run from failure. We live in fear.

But we cannot live in fear anymore.

D. Self Awareness

Because we react in our old stories subconsciously, we cannot make the active choice to refrain from old behaviors and attempt something new. We are sucked into the vacuum dynamic of bad choices.

The circle represents a state of calm and clear thought. It is a circle of truth and awareness.

If we are able to clear our minds from that constant chatter in our minds, we may be able to make the best choice under the circumstances. One of the many ways to find this calm is by meditating. A simple framework for meditation can be found here: “5 Simple Steps to Meditation”

By not reacting to our inner turmoil and struggles, we can allow ourselves to make a choice. Shall we relive the same story over and over again? Or shall we try something new? Must you buy that silly Ferrari to feel better? Must you eat that donut? Should you pick up that bottle again?

There will be some times in your life that reliving your old story will serve you. I am not talking about self destruction such as drugs or recklessness. I am talking about the moments in your life that demands self preservation and emotional survival. Love yourself and keep yourself safe. However do not live in this world of survival. Allow yourself to be free and thrive.

Make the choice.