Fear and Love are considered polar opposites. They balance a scale that provides personal understanding and growth. Many of us act in fear. And though we have love in our lives, fear often consumes us.

It is only natural. We are born with the Fight or Flight instinct. The notion of Freeze (the act of freezing in fear) also is derived from this self preservation aspect.

There is no judgment in the fear. It is a tool that we can understand to use. In my life, I often question “Does it serve me or consume me?”

Fear often consumes us. It pushes us to act in ways of self preservation when none is needed. This Fear is rooted in many levels. For example, why do we save all our money in banks? Is it for fear that we will not have enough when we need it in the future?

Why do many drink and abuse drugs? Often times we are abusive to these toxins because we are fearful of dealing with emotional underlying issues and lack of self love. We lock our doors and buy car alarms. We carry mace and own Rottweilers to protect us from some fear.

Newspapers and broadcasts have made a profit from this Fear. Warning the public of the newest outbreak of the swine flu or some deranged serial killer have created a fear that prevents some from living normal healthy lives. Con men and business tycoons have figured out ways to manipulate this fear so they can squeeze more money out of our pockets.

I want to challenge us to further explore these notions of fear and love. Are they quite so opposite?

Perhaps fear can serve us… become a tool we can use to empower our spirits.

But how?

Fear Comes From Love

What? It is not possible is it?

There was once a time I was almost 6000 ft up on a leery rock path, with sheer cliffs on both sides. To make it more interesting, parts of the path were barely two feet wide, the footing was sandy, and the wind was blowing hard.

For the first time in my life, I started to violently shake in fear. I started to hyperventilate. I started to see myself falling to my doom. I knew if I had continued I would soon fall. So I stopped.

I started to calm my breathing and ask myself why I was so afraid. My immediate answer was: I don’t want to die!

But I kept asking the question “why?” By doing this, I found a deeper truth.

I was afraid to die because I love my mother and father. I love my sister. I love my friends. I love my purpose, my potential, my story…

Fear is not opposite of love. Fear comes from love. We have fear because we want to protect love, miss love, want love…

Look deeper into your fears.  Why do you have them? You can then see how every fear is derived from love, whether it is of self preservation or yearning.

Fear Can Serve Us

How can it serve us? If fear comes from love, why don’t we skip that step and go directly to love? Life would be easier if we do so.

Imagine making the choice to not live in fear, but to do what is best. How would your life change? Instead of drowning our emotions with alcohol and drugs, what if you decided to make healthier choices? Instead of hoarding, what if you shared?

Fear is not a bad thing. Humans are born with two natural fears; The fear of falling and loud sounds. The other fears we have assumed through our previous experiences. We are also socialized and trained to be fearful of different things.

One day it’s the bird flu, then soon the swine flu. What about those killer bees that are supposed to come soon? Or the end of the world? Watch out for that hot stove. Be careful and lock your doors. Don’t forget that insurance!

So understand why you fear what you fear. Consult a professional to help guide you through this minefield. And when you do, you have a choice… do you let your fears consume you or serve you?

Fear is a great tool for awareness and mindfulness. Fear is natural. When you feel the fear, try these steps:

1.    Before reacting to your fear, understand WHY you have the fear.

2.    Realize that fear comes from love.

3.    Make the choice to act in love versus fear.

Okay this is easier said than done.

But let me give you an example of this process.

·       You drink. You drink to drown out your pain and sorrow. You drink to avoid your emotions and truth. Drinking is your reaction. You are fearful in that you are not sure you can capable of handling the emotions that you have. So you avoid them and run from them by drinking.

·       Know you are drinking out of self preservation. Although not in total compliance with self love, you are acting out by drinking under the notion of love. You are trying to protect yourself from these painful emotions and fear. So you drink to numb yourself.

·       To really love yourself, you must understand that drinking is your reaction to fear. And this reaction doesn’t ultimately serve you. Ask yourself what can you truly do to love yourself. Drinking obviously is not the answer. It is just a temporary escape. To love yourself, become aware of your fears and your reactions to them. Stop your reactions of drinking and numbing. Face your fears and see them for what they are. Then learn tools to create new choices. Instead of numbing, allow yourself to feel your emotions and process them. And then go get a cup of coffee and hang out with friends… or whatever works for you!

Please keep in mind that this concept is not for emergency, life threatening situations. Love yourself by keeping yourself alive. You have to keep yourself safe, fed, clothed and a roof over your head. It can be quite difficult to be spiritual if you are constantly worried for your life. But it is possible.